LOSING WEIGHT IS SIMPLE AT MIDDLE AGE

YES - you heard me correctly. (and I don't want you to get the wrong idea that I am some tall, thin, fake boob, botoxed blonde - although if I could, I would!)

The key here is the word "simple". simple does not equal easy BUT the weight loss formula is SIMPLE (thus, not easy)

CALORIES IN < CALORIES BURNED

see - i told you it was simple.....of course another simplistic way to lose weight is this:

1. don't eat carbs
2. work out every day

This is especially effective for the middle age "paunch" or "muffin top" as it is called these days. By the way - I hate that term - "muffin top" - are you kidding me?

AND how about trying to put everyone into the "apple" or "pear" category??? I am not an apple or a pear...but maybe I am an inverted pear??? thin on the bottom, heavy on the top - or maybe that is a candied apple? (apple on a stick?)

hmmmmm

NIGHT SWEATS

YES - I promised you this one a few days ago....but my lack of concentration and memory loss got the better of me!

OK - night sweats - what is the deal with that? I had heard of them before I got them but never gave them much thought because I was going to be IMMUNE of course! I am cold natured and rarely get hot....but then it happened. So - here is my current "view" of night sweats... I generally consider sweating to be associated with burning calories, therefore, I am burning calories in my sleep...............right????

STDs

Oh yeah - that is what I said....STDs! I heard yesterday that women over 45 were at more risk to get STDs than their younger counterparts. R U KIDDING ME? Well - apparently we hit 45 and become sluts! hahaha Seriously though - when we were younger we worried about getting pregnant and made sure our partner was protected. Well, now that we are older and don't have to worry about that so much anymore caution is thrown to the wind and we forget to ask the lucky man to put on his rain jacket. Don't do it ladies - protect yourself. Wanton and wayward and with STD is NOT what you want to be celebrating at this stage of your life! Wanton sounds like fun but you won't get very far if you contract an unwanted STD! So all you cougars out there - beware~ and be wary! Married women are probably breathing a sigh of relief (unless you are married to a particular professional golfer who seemed to have his way with many)!

tomorrow i am debating about writing about night sweats or facial hair....hmmmmm - decisions, decisions!

Yeah...guess I finally admitted it...I'm middle age - THAT IS PAINFUL!!! But I guess at 45 there is no denying it. Only acceptance. (although if you mistake me for someone younger, I am not going to enlighten you!) So I have created this blog for all of you who are there or soon will be. I remember when I turned 35, I felt SO old..hahaha - that was NOTHING! But it did seem like all the commercials were saying things like "women over the age of 35" etc. Today I get emails from the AARP - not good. Can you relate?

Take for instance one day I'm mindlessly watching TV/reading the paper, when I hear a commercial in the background say something about being over 40 and your lips thinning...WHAT THE ??? No one EVER mentions that! So I rush to the mirror and I can't decide if my lips ARE thinning or have they always been this way? I've never had Angelina lips and never thought about even wanting those. I just took my lips for granted. The next thing I know I am seeing stuff about lips EVERYWHERE! Just 24 hours ago never thought twice about my lips, now I am downright paranoid. But plastic surgery? Have you ever seen plastic lips? You will know it when you do - they are not for me. .... yet!

Please share your thoughts, frustrations, and illuminations. I will continue to share mine.